Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
