We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
