I just made out with a guy for $7.
Porn is love you can see.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
