My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
