he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
