I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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