even my farts smell like vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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