I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
