the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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