i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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