doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
