so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
