The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
