Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
