I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize