I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
