also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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