my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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