i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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