I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
