just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
birth control should be required to get into college
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
