I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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