My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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