Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and she was petting her beer can
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
