Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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