Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
