For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
