please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
