I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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