ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
