what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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