We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
