This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
