do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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