I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
