Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as a side note pls kill me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
