cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
