I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
