Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
