What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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