She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
