Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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