you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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