You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
