You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm passing your future prison.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
