I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
