Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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