Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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