too bad you live with your parents still
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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