Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
