i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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