At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
