We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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