if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
