spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
