let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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