i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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