you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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