I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
