Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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