I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
