I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
