my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
